Yes - The Web Makes us Experts - Even When We Don't Want to Be.

Wadda Ya Know.  We're Experts at Everything.

An interesting thing - that Internet.  Well, the World Wide Web, anyway.  It's turned us into experts...at everything.

And, sadly, we now have to be.

See, as fast as the web was able to exhibit information, instructions, suggestions and recommendations on everything from raising earthworms to the gravitational effects of Alpha Centauri, corporate operations folks got the wild idea that they could move all of their support services there, too.

They all celebrate. "Wow!  We just made available everything about our product on the web," they cheer in board rooms.  What they're really saying is, "Son of a gun.  We pushed off all of our customer service on the customers themselves.

That's why we have to be experts.  By default.  When you have to go to the web to troubleshoot a problem with your phone - or car - or, geez, even with a stale candy bar - you, by default, have to learn more than you ever wanted to about the product.

A few years back, Willie (Max Wright) asked Alf, "Can't you fix the spacecraft?" to which Alf (Paul Fusco) responded, "I dunno.  I just turn the key and it goes."

That was a great time to be alive.  If you had a question, someone connected with the product was more than happy to provide another brand contact along with what was usually a simple and instant answer to your problem.

Not no more, as they say.  We have to dig it out.  And the webmaster, designer, et. al. have told management that it's all there for the customer.  And, it ain't. So you dig till you find that answer.  Or maybe you go to their "forum."  There's quotes around it because, by and large, forums (shouldn't it be fora?) are useless.  Talk about the blind leading the blind.

 Unless you're looking for advice about how to go up an escalator, the info, coming from people who are only a step ahead on the knowledge curve.  And further to forums, think about the audacity of a company that offers a user forum instead of help.  That translates to, "Here's the product, you got a

problem? Figure it out among yourselves."  Cool, eh?

So, you finish.  You have your answer.  You fix the problem.  Step back and be proud. You now know as much about the topic as anyone.  Of course, it took two hours whereas a few years ago, a single phone call to a live person would have gotten, "OK.  Lay them out on a cookie sheet and put them in the freezer for 10 minutes.  Then just put 'em in a plastic bag."  And, in thirty seconds, you're done.  Of course, you miss out on all the why's and the technical theory for the cookie sheet and the rest, but you saved a lot of time.

Yes, it frustrates me.  But I have fun with it.  Highlight the problem, copy the page and send it to the company.  But cc the CEO and CIO.  Takes just a minute with Hoovers or Red Books.  You'll usually get responses.  It doesn't make the job any easier but it's the only fun part.

CEO's: Have you been duped?

An open letter to CEO’s, COO’s and CMO’s:

Let’s see.  How do I say this?  How ‘bout this…is your customer service department/division/person really giving any service?

Now, let me back up.  Somewhere along the line, a really bright person stood in front of you with a Powerpoint® presentation and showed how automated customer service would save you money while at the same time keeping customers happy by providing faster service.

Well, friends, hate to tell you, but you got sold a bill of goods.  Want proof?  Think of a problem that you might have with one of your products or services.  Call your own customer service line.  WARNING:  this is not for the faint-of-heart!  If you are taking prescription drugs or have a history of health problems, I suggest you have someone else make that call while you monitor on a speakerphone.

You’ll find out quickly just how bad things are.  Actually, it may not be so quickly.  You could be pressing 1 the 2 then 5 then 1 then 4 then…and then you may arrive at a person to whom you’ve given NO authority except to say, “Sorry, it’s company policy,” and when you want to discuss it with an actual decision maker, you’re told that they can only return calls and then, only in the morning.  At this point, you’ll realize that you’ve invested anywhere at least ten and maybe twenty or more minutes to get nowhere.  Well, actually, at least you’ve probably made a great voice recording (for training purposes only, of course)*.

Think you’ll get a call back from that decision maker?  Don’ take it to Vegas.

Now, about that phone tree and saving time.  Well, it saves time for your company, I guess, but it wastes a great deal of your customers’ time.  As you use automation to sort and categorize, you waste hours and hours of time on your customers’ behalf.  And they’re getting tired of it.  Tired of pressing numbers, tired of punching in a phone number or credit card or account number only to hear from the live person you finally get to say “May I have your (phone, credit card, account) number please?“  Why did you have them enter it in the first place?  Ah yes.  The prescreener.  But that person with the Powerpoint didn’t tell you about the costs to port that information to the servicer’s computer screen, did they?

The fix:

• One (o-n-e) automated encounter before connecting the caller to a live person
• Empowered people who actually know the product
• Ability to escalate a problem or issue immediately

But that’ll cost me money.  Deal with it.  Look upon it as priming the pump – the one that pumps out happier consumers.  

Go ahead.  Make the call.  But on your cell, dial 911 so that all you have to do is hit “Send” when you start feeling ill.

*NB: A lot of call center recorders continue even when you’re on hold.  That can be fun.